Frustration of Online Dating
Online dating is awful. Just an awful invention. I have to admit that most of my relationships have started via online dating sites, but even then I still think they are pretty much the devil’s work.
Every system is different, but all are flawed. Free systems such as OkCupid suffer from the shotgun method, which I have to admit I have done. Let me explain the Shotgun Method if you don’t know what it is. A guy signs up for and searches the various profiles. Finds some interesting people and emails them and waits. And waits. Perhaps sends a second message, trying not to be a creepy stalker, but still nothing back. Feeling disenfranchised with the process he just decides to email anyone remotely interesting in the attempt to just get a message back. On the other side, you have women receiving tons of emails with little to zero substance. This must be annoying for them constantly getting random emails, “yer cute.”. This pretty much destroys the whole system, making free sites like OkCupid worthless. The site might work if you are model hot or something, but for your normal dude it gets to be a drag.
You have pay systems, like Match, Chemistry, or eHarmony, but these also have their problems and they take your money. The first flaw with all of these systems is that they are built to have people pay and there is no way to find out who is a paying member. Email someone interesting and never hear back, they probably weren’t a paying member. While the system appears to have tons of possible matches, the amount of actual paying members is significantly less. When I was on eHarmony it became comical how many closed matches I’d get. Their system lists users and you work your way through various questions before actually having a real email. They refer to “get lost” as “closed match”, and after being on there a couple months I just made a game in attempt to get to 1,000, which I broke in under six months. One side of accomplishment with a good amount of damage to my pride. To make matters worse, eHarmony sends out tips via email, one being Five Things That Drive Women Away. Three of them were directly related to my job! Way to steal my money and make me feel bad!
I’m sure there are things I could be doing better. Better text, better photos, perhaps lose a couple more pounds. I’m awful at writing about myself. Most of my profiles come off too honest which makes me sound boring or sad. My latest update to my OkCupid profile in a fair mixture of twisted humor. I just tell people how it is, so I probably sound like a bitter women hating man or something. Probably not the best way to impress. I was given a suggestion of more photos of me with people, but that is difficult as I am typically taking photos when I am out with friends.
I’m hopeful for things to change. Losing some more weight, getting paid a little more (doesn’t hurt), moving to downtown Seattle. Who knows if any of this would help. I’m seriously thinking about having a ghost writer for my profiles, perhaps someone reading this would want to take a shot.
In the mean time, I’ll continue to search online and shotgun away as I’m bored and home alone on a Friday night.
Oh man, I concur. Online dating is such a broken system, and continues to be broken despite also being way successful. You should find an online dating consultant in your area (and hey — that’s me, if you’re in Seattle!) — it helps a ton. It really does. The only reason I became a success in helping other people tackle such horrors is by tackling them myself, badly, for years. Sometimes it helps to get outside perspective and advice, because writing about yourself can just be way too close to home to actually get enough distance to be objectively critical about what you could be doing better. Hope I hear from you, but even if I don’t, keep at it — at the end of the day it’s a numbers game, but it works out better the more you play. Heck, I met my (video game industry) husband on Craigslist of all places, and so did my two best friends. It takes perseverance and gusto, but pleasant online dating experiences CAN happen. Best of luck!
I see you and Grant all the time at Industry Night.